The Steelmeister’s Recipes of Masculinary Genius for the Common Man Who’s Pressed for Budget (or simply, I Cook But That Doesn’t Mean I’m Gay)

You’re the average bachelor, living with a couple of equally-lazy dufus in an apartment, getting paid every end of the month. Which means right now, countless bachelors like you are dealing with the realization that you’re running on an almost-empty financial tank. Your bills may be paid via credit card, but how about the rent? Gas? Lap dances? Booze? More importantly, food? Man can’t live on bread alone, unless there’s cheese, pepperoni and onions on top of that bread.

Back in the early days our ancestors lived for many thousands of years without the concept of money or fastfood, but they didn’t have to eat from a bone nor graze on grass to survive. They hunted creatures ten times their size and roasted them over fire. They had a little something which is nowadays called dignity. And you, the dignified man, will quickly learn how to create food for your survival!

And you, the dignified man, will quickly learn how to create food for your survival!

Here are some recipes straight from the Steelmeister’s Cookbook of Masculinary Genius:

Pizza Fried Rice

Preparation time: 5 minutes

Cooking time: 10-15minutes

Ingredients:

• Leftover pizza
• Leftover rice
• Leftover corn oil / margarine
• Some garlic, preferably leftover

Will be raped soon 

Scrape off pizza toppings and set aside. Heat oil then sauté garlic and pizza toppings. Add rice. Serve while hot. This dish is also called Pepperoni / salami / meatball / pineapple / anchovy / mozzarella rice.

Chicken Nuggets Afritada

Preparation time: 20 minutes

Cooking time: 20 minutes

Ingredients:

• Frozen chicken nuggets
• minced onion and garlic
• 2 medium-sized carrots (sliced into strips)
• 1 large potato (cubed)
• Hotdogs (chopped)
• 1 medium-sized green bell pepper (chopped)
• 1 packet tomato sauce
• Salt and pepper

Contrary to what your wuss roommates believe, afritada is not that hard to prepare. Take my word for it. Fry the chicken nuggets until golden brown and set aside. Sauté onion, garlic and potato. Cook until potato is erm, cooked. Throw in hotdogs, carrots, and bell pepper. Add tomato sauce. Add water or chicken broth if you find the consistency too thick. Place the crunchy chicken nuggets in the sauce. Add salt and (loads of) pepper to taste.

Whatever’s-in-the-fridge pasta

Preparation time: 15 to 20 minutes (depending on the ingredients found in your fridge)

Cooking time: 20 minutes

Ingredients:

• 500 gms Pasta
• 2 packets of spaghetti sauce
• Minced onion and garlic
• Loads of grated cheese
• Anything you can find in the fridge (except things that are squirming)

Cook pasta as per package instructions. Sauté onion, garlic and those frozen food that has been sitting in the freezer for God-knows-since-when (as shown in the photo above, I went for burger patties, chicken fillet, and mushrooms) Add two packets of spaghetti sauce. For a super satisfying spaghetti sauce experience, combine Filipino style sauce with Italian style sauce, because Filipino style sauce will make your dish Jollibee-ish. Combine sauce concoction and pasta. Serve with grated cheese. Then pray to your deity you’ll live to cook and eat another day.