Talking to Myself
September 26, 2007
I was reading a critique on Chuck Palahniuk’s rationalization regarding the behavior of the narrator of his debut novel, Fight Club; and how he creates the story of his life into an image totally acceptable to him. This seems like a form of self-creation, and more oftentimes just an attempt at self-delusion. There have been many individuals who have undergone such a condition, which is commonly known in the medical field as schizophrenia. On the other hand, there are those who consciously project another persona as the given voice of their profession (actors, radio announcers, telemarketers, etc). Others do so for the purpose of anonymity. Take humor writers such as Tuckermax, Maddox and The Letter D for example. As someone who created an online character for one or more of the abovementioned reasons, I constantly find myself being eaten up by said personality. The inner twerp that I created for the sole purpose of lying, reassuring, and just plain venting, has begun rearing its ugly head and taking over my entire being. While driving alone on the long stretch of Roxas Boulevard I remember engaging in a conversation that went thus:
Myself
That was *the* most sickening display of nymphomania I’ve ever seen! You almost hit the gutter while staring at that girl who’s too young to be your daughter. That’s just sick!
Steel
Easy, mac. Listen, I can read women better than you can read books. Never dare question El Gran Steeleo's palate for beauty. Maybe you’re just too old to get attracted to fifteen year-olds.
Myself
I’m too old? Look at you! You’re a sixteen year-old kid trapped in a 25-year old man’s body! A fat heavily-built one at that.
Steel
Dude, I know you love me but you worry too much. Remember that time when we were having dinner with your boss?
Myself
How can I forget? You and your worst case of FREUDIAN SLIP?
Steel
I swear, man! I was about to politely ask your boss to 'Please pass the knife'
Myself
…but instead you said, ‘YOU WRETCHED BASTARD I'LL STAB YOUR NECK FOR RUINING MY LIFE!!!’
Steel
Heh. What can I say?
Myself
Uhm, Steel, don’t take this personally. Since you came into being my life has always been all misery misery misery. Your carefree attitude has almost cost you your career - our career! I'm starting to think your existence should only take place online and not…
Steel
Ouch, dude. MAJOR ouch! You need me, mon’. I am the foundation of your sanity. I bestow you with impeccable sense of humor. I provide the light at the end of your dead-end job. And to top it all of, with me you’re never alone.
Myself
Don’t interrupt me while I’m talking! So besides your actions at work, you’re also showing weird behavior at home. Your fixations for one are…
Steel
You think I’m crazy because I like sausages?
Myself
Well, there’s nothing wrong with that. I like sausages too but…
Steel
Sexy beasts, aren’t they? Wanna see my sausage collection?
Myself (light tap of the palm to the forehead)
Yo soy un perdedor!
[awkward silence]
Steel
Dude, if ever you decide to go to a psychiatrist, will your Medicare pay for the both of us?
Previous Comments
15 is the new 21!
Posted by Steel at September 27, 2007, 3:34 pmYou were still flexing your left boobie last Saturday. I SAW YOU!!!
Posted by Helga at September 29, 2007, 2:09 amYou were supposed to be pissdrunk! How come you remember me doing the Johnny Bravo while stroking my torso area?! WITCH!
Posted by Steel at September 29, 2007, 8:22 am
15-year olds?! Dude. You’re trippin’. Lusting over 16-year olds is the wave of the future!
Posted by Baddie at September 27, 2007, 11:23 am