Friend Zone
September 3, 2007I’ve said it before and I’m gonna say it again: I am a natural born voyeur. It’s a condition I’ve had since college when I used to gaze at the pencil-cut skirts female students had on as a uniform. Since then I couldn’t help but observe the beautiful female form in outfits that leave very little to the imagination. Moreover, my short attention span amplifies this not-so-rare condition tenthousandfolds.
Lately though I’ve discovered a loophole in this almost-instinctive impulse. While a female office buddy and I were in the cafeteria talking about genetic aberrations in petri-dish propagated monkeys in South Africa, a group of superhot women entered and started running around all over the place. And they were not just ordinary superhot women, but superhot women in tight skinny jeans. Right then and there my brain automatically disengaged putting me into my trance-like people-watching mode, which my officemate instantly noticed.
Female office buddy: I wonder if you also ogle at me like that when I’m in skimpy skirt or snug-fit jeans?
Me: *wakes up* You? NO! No offense but I can never imagine myself mentally undressing you. I mean, you’re hot and all but I just don’t roll that way.
Apparently, women who tend to get into my “friend zone” instantaneously get spared from my subconscious voyeur radar. My assumption was confirmed when I went out with a cute female colleague from a previous company I worked for. While I always enjoyed every moment with her and commiserated with her when she gets barraged with attention from numerous men, I could rest assure there's no romantic interest between us. It was almost like a psychology field study. With myself as the subject.
Moreover, an email conversation with yet another fine female specimen Helga cements this conclusion.
From: Ramil Ventus
Sent: Thursday, August 30, 2007 3:12 PM
To: Helga Gabrielle Weber
Subject: RE:
SKINNY JEANS will get me killed someday.
From: Helga Gabrielle Weber
Sent: Friday, August 31, 2007 4:13 AM
To: Ventus, Ramil
Boner?
From: Ramil Ventus
Sent: Thursday, August 30, 2007 3:14 PM
To: Helga Gabrielle Weber
Subject: RE:
No. Mob. Angry boyfriends.
I cant help it! I do it subconsciously.
Sabi lang ng kasama ko, “Ano ba makatingin to si ventus parang hinuhubaran na yung babae! Grabe.”
Then I was like, “What? Whaddido?”
From: Helga Gabrielle Weber
Sent: Friday, August 31, 2007 4:29 AM
To: Ventus, Ramil
Subject: RE:
GRABE!!!
I'd hate to see you at the beach
From: Ramil Ventus
Sent: Thursday, August 30, 2007 3:34 PM
To: Helga Gabrielle Weber
Subject: RE:
No. I love ladies who wear something that makes my imagination work.
Moreover, since you’re in the “friend zone” already, I won’t stare at you as much.
Speaking of Helga, here’s a customary LOLCAT pic I made myself:
Previous Comments
I’m sorry Ade. You know I tried but I only see you as a friend. I sincerely hope you understand.
Posted by Steel at September 3, 2007, 4:52 pmWell I hope you don’t stare at me when I’m wearing a skimpy sk… um, LOOK HELGA HUGZ U NAO!!!
Posted by Baddie at September 3, 2007, 6:04 pmThis article has a kitty! Yay!
Posted by Pau at September 4, 2007, 12:45 pmWhen I am elected president, the first thing I will do is issue a proclamation to abolish the “friend zone”.
Gad, I hate that zone! It’s like you’re so near and yet so far. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Posted by virus at September 5, 2007, 8:12 amHelga posted the email thread in a different order. Also, FLASH DICKS?
Posted by alohapenny at September 5, 2007, 9:38 pmThat’s because she posted it WRONG. She was so wrong, WRONG looks right beside her.
Posted by Steel at September 6, 2007, 8:26 amIm having you registered as a sex offender.
Posted by Helga at September 8, 2007, 3:39 am
Do YOU stare ate ME that way?! NOOOES!
Posted by Ade at September 3, 2007, 4:38 pm