Braced!
July 11, 2007I was having a slight toothache last week which I suspect was coming from a previous tooth filling that came off. I went to a local orthodontist who by the way looked more like a mad surgeon than a doctor who mothers can entrust their children with. He looked at me with those evil four eyes of Death and proceeded to direct me to the dentist chair of Death with his thin bony hands…of Death!
Evil Orthodontist Guy: Holy oral cavity! WHAT AN ABOMINATION!
Me: Is it really that bad, doc?
EOG: This is madness! This is profanity to the dentistry field!
Me: Whoa whoa whoa you’re scaring me. What is it?!
EOG: Have you seen your mouth lately, young lad?
Me: Yeah I mean, I know I have an overhanging cuspid on top of the others. My mouth is pretty small to accommodate my incisors which are bigger than that of the average person’s.
EOG: Precisely. Which is why I suggest you consider having braces!
Me: But doctor! I cannot muster enough gayness to do such a thing!
EOG: But this is for your own good! You’d look better with braces on. And, there’s a big chance that I might be able to introduce you to some of my female nursing student patients who regularly drops by to have their braces adjusted.
Me: Oh no! Don’t you talk me into being gay, mister! I’ve heard a lot of stories about people who have braces getting struck by lightni…did you say female nursing students?
EOG: Yep. Most of them from Aguinaldo College.
Me: Well why didn’t you say so right away?! Brace me up, Sir!
EOG: Ohohoh excellent decision, young chap! Now close your eyes and open wide. This won’t hurt ME a bit! *starts up his electronic rotating device which slightly resembles a chainsaw.*
Long story short, after three grueling and blood-spattered hours of mouth surgery, I am now shhhlurring and gagging in my speech because of these stupid metal things in my mouth. People who don’t know about my online identity will definitely start calling me Steel from now on.
Gayces
Previous Comments
If I have one advice for you, Steel, this is it: STAY AWAY FROM MAGNETO! That dude’s bad news.
Posted by Baddie at July 12, 2007, 10:41 amChrissakes, man. Braces! From what I gather from friends you’re in for a handful of years of PAIN AND MISERY! Which is good because PAIN AND MISERY is actually necessary when you’re training to be an awesome ninja! You Do want to be an awesome ninja, right?
Posted by Squid at July 14, 2007, 3:14 pmPain, misery, and MAYHEM. These braces are actually a repository for shurikens and poisoned darts. Fools be wary of the deadly ninja utility belt concealed in my mouth.
If there’s anything I’ve realized, it’s that people with braces, who I used to make fun of, are not pussies. The pain they had to endure during the first few days of the ordeal is unimaginable; not to mention annoying.
Posted by Steel at July 14, 2007, 9:11 pm
Oh no steel! You didn’t just call baddie an ex gay right? I mean he wore his braces for 3 fucking long years dude! You’re going to get your ass smacked by baddie alright!
Posted by Avatar at July 11, 2007, 3:45 pm