Random Chat Sessions Part Trois

Day 62

As you all know already, I work in a centralized office used primarily for the purpose of receiving and transmitting a large volume of requests and support calls by telephone, mostly from North American clients who don’t know the difference between a click and a right-click (read: Contact Center).

Thanks to my lametastic bartering abilities and unique conversation skills, I’ve been appointed by my supervisor to create customized spiels that my teammates and I might find handy. To hell with those overused empathetic statements such as “I’ll be glad to assist you with that” or “I’m sorry to hear that if I were in your shoes I’d feel the same way too” lines that more often than not tick the callers off.

Graah! I don’t give a fuck if your dirty Indian feet are as smelly as mine! Just fix the gotdamn computer!

However, my supervisor doesn’t realize that like that of any ordinary non-English speaking mortal, my grammar fails me most of the time. Here are some of the lines that I couldn’t help but laugh at after I uttered them:

Cust: AOL asked me to call you guys regarding my connection. Can you help me out with it?

Me: Sure, no problem. Good thing I know a thing or two about the Intarnets.

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Me: (trying to build rapport) So is it starting to get cold where you are?

Customer: Oh no. We never experience winter nor fall here in Texas.

Me: So it’s always warm where you’re at? That’s so cool!

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Me: After the computer reboots let’s head back to the NVIDIA website and download that bitch!

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Me: I suggest we download Spybot or Windows Defender so we can nuke those shi….Shtuff?

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And my favorite: There is nothing wrong with the hardware. The CD-drive incident was apparently just a…uhm, co-incident.

Also, I’m bored to death right now considering it’s Thanksgiving in the U.S. Less retarded calls for all of us hoo-ray!